Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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