Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
