My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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