i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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