Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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