Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize