well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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