apparently the secret to your success is patron
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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