I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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