i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
