My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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