were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
