We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
