your parents love me but you hate me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
