How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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