his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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