sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
