as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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