And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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