what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
