i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
