Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.