I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night