I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml