I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.