Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same