Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.