Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.