fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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