porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
