Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
