i just had sex bonerless
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
