there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
