how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
