she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again