i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.