So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.