I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
