I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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