A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize