Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
