Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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