I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
