i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
