Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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