So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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