Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
