This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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