We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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