The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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