So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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