I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
