Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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