someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
