I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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