There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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