Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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