Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
