The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
