After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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