i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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