I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
