you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
