Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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