Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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