Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
