Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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