wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
