Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
