i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
