I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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