i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
