Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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