Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
