"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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