just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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