but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize