I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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